Sunday, January 30, 2011

They Weren't Kidding! (lapband update)

Ok so before you have weight loss surgery, they tell you all sorts of things..especially that this is a "lifestyle change" and that "it is all mental". Let me tell ya, they weren't kidding. The mental part especially. After being at the same weight for two months, self sabotaging, and a big ol' mental breakdown in my surgeon's office, I realized they were right. You REALLY don't realize the amount of mental work involved until you have had the surgery. It requires changing your way of thinking about food and changing lifelong habits, which is not easy to do! I had a major honesty dinner with one of my best friends and she asked me if I had been working out and I said no. She told me that I needed to stop doing this for anyone else but me. That I needed to stop looking at this journey as something I HAVE to do and instead look at it as something that I WANT to do. My friend channels Oprah because I had a major "ah-ha" moment. I felt like I HAD to work out and then I didn't want to do it. Now I'm looking at the eating and exercise as things I WANT to do.

The good thing is that this is where the lifestyle change comes into play. At first, it was really freaking hard to eat smaller portions. Now that I've been doing it for a few months I am much more used to it. I don't feel like I have to finish my plate or eat what everyone else is eating. It has gotten a bit easier. Sometimes I still open a menu and go "oh shit" but mainly it's ok. Also my inner sense of guilt keeps me from eating too many cookout milkshakes so that's good. That inner guilt man, that thing is STRONG!

Anyways, I am back to 35lbs down. I gained 2 during the holidays and stayed there for awhile. BUT back down to 35 which I am very happy with.

New Goal: I would like to make it 40 lbs by my birthday (February 17th). I think this is very doable. SO that's what's been going on in lapband world and I'll let you know how the goal is coming! Thanks for all your love and support! Love you so much!


Saturday, January 29, 2011

Spiced Sweet Roasted Red Pepper Hummus with Pita Chips

Recipe from :


  • 1 (15 ounce) can garbanzo beans, drained
  • 1 (4 ounce) jar roasted red peppers
  • 3 tablespoons lemon juice
  • 1 1/2 tablespoons tahini
  • 1 clove garlic, minced
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
  • 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley


  1. In an electric blender or food processor, puree the chickpeas, red peppers, lemon juice, tahini, garlic, cumin, cayenne, and salt. Process, using long pulses, until the mixture is fairly smooth, and slightly fluffy. Make sure to scrape the mixture off the sides of the food processor or blender in between pulses. Transfer to a serving bowl and refrigerate for at least 1 hour. (The hummus can be made up to 3 days ahead and refrigerated. Return to room temperature before serving.)
  2. Sprinkle the hummus with the chopped parsley before serving.


For the Pita Chips:
Olive Oil
Salt and Pepper
Garlic (optional)

Cut pitas into triangles, brush with olive oil, sprinkle with salt, pepper and garlic.
Bake at 350degrees for 12-15 minutes

Thursday, January 20, 2011

And they said it wouldn't last...

75 Years.

Check out this article written about my grandparents for their 75th anniversary by the Lubbock Avalanche-Journal. They are adorable! Click HERE.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


My Grandfather Eugene Modlin (Grandad) passed away on December 7, 2008. A few months later I wrote down my feelings about the whole thing but didn't feel ready to share quite yet. I re-found this while going through some documents and felt like I was ready to post. So here is what I wrote sometime in early 2009 about my Grandfather's death.

My mother returned from a recent trip to my grandmother’s house in tears. She had visited my grandfather’s grave site. “What’s wrong?” I asked her. She told me that the grass was starting to grow over his grave. She said there was a certain finality to it that made it hurt her heart even more. She was right. When you see it with your eyes, the thin green creeping over that rectangle in the ground, it says something to you. I means that time didn’t stop. Winter is still coming. The world didn’t quit turning.

I have heard people say that there is nothing like witnessing a baby being born, a human being taking its very first breaths. While I do not have children yet, I can tell you that there is something spiritual and life-changing in watching someone die. When they take their last breath and slip from this world to the next. It is surprising how moments like that stay with you. The details, like what was on TV that night, the sound of panic rising in someone else’s throat, the purple on his hands, the smell of antiseptic in the hospital, the color of his cheeks as they went from fiery red to dull pink to sullen gray. The shaking voice informing others of the news, the long and tearful hugs, the guttural cries and gasps and words of love from my mother and uncle as they spoke to him for the last time. Some of those specific memories may fade over the years. However, the strong emotions and the deep meaning of what had just happened is something I will never forget. I saw that being there at the end matters. Being a witness to someone’s life matters.

God pulled a lot of strings for me to be there at the right time, to be able to share that precious moment with my grandfather. What a gift it was to be able to have spoken some of the last words he heard. Through tears telling him how much we loved him, how much everyone loved him. That we would be okay, that we would take care of my grandmother. Choking out the words “it’s okay to go” felt like it would physically break my body in two pieces. As he took his last gasps of air we told him everything we needed to. He left this world knowing that he was loved, and that matters. I have seen raw emotion, but it is not the same when it is people you love. Hearing the cries and sobs from my family members physically wounded my heart in a way I didn’t know was possible.

I also won’t forget leaving. Walking bleary-eyed into the hallway outside his hospital room. The nurses averted their glances and were quiet. I am so glad that even though they witness this on a daily basis they gave us quiet. We got on the elevator and left my grandfather. It felt wrong to leave him there. To walk out of the room and drive home and leave him. We went home without him. In his casket, he looked the best he had in months. The purple on his hands, a detail I vividly remember from the night, was gone; no doubt due to heavy makeup. Someone put a lollipop in his casket. It fit. The weather was dreary, or I could just be remembering it that way because it is how everything felt. Dreary fit. At the gravesite more words spoken, then it was over. It felt wrong to leave him there. Not yet in the ground, just waiting atop a hole. Alone. It felt unclosed. Unfinished. It didn’t fit.

For purely non-reasonable reasons I wanted to put a blanket over him, just so he wouldn’t get a chill from the weather. I have still not totally come to terms with the finality. I still want to bring him a blanket when it is cold outside. When I saw for myself the grassy outline of his grave I saw that my mother was right. This is it. The world keeps turning even when for you it has stopped. The grass keeps growing and the seasons keep changing and life goes on. It seems cruel that nothing else stops, but it doesn’t. It would have been easier if I hadn’t been with him when he died, but it also wouldn’t have meant so much to me and given me an utterly beautiful moment that I will remember for the rest of my life. We don’t usually hear death described as beautiful or as a gift, but he gave me a gift by allowing me to be with him at the time he slipped peacefully from our world. He also gave me a gift by allowing me to experience it with someone else, my cousin Candace. This has forged an unbreakable bond and understanding between us that did not exist before. Granddad’s death was full of gifts, which is the only way he would have wanted it. We miss him dearly and daily.

We love you.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

West Elm Bedding

Check out West Elm.... I found it while looking for cheaper alternatives for some of Anthropologie's stuff. Here are my favorites but if you are looking for a new duvet or quilt...this place is GREAT!

1. Organic Cotton Pintuck Duvet Cover... Lots of colors, I love Light Amethyst

2. Parachute Duvet Cover light and airy.

3. For some great color...Organic Carved Circles Duvet

4. This Frayed Edge Quilt would be great for the hot summer

5. The royal blue is amazing... Wood-Block Flower Duvet

5. Not looking for a duvet but need a new throw...these Handknit Throw's are gorgeous

Friday, January 14, 2011

Chocolate Creme Brulee

Where do you live? More importantly, how far do you live from a Bonefish Grill?

Once you figure that out leave immediately.


Go eat some Chocolate Creme will thank me for a million years.


Sunday, January 9, 2011


" I am here to get my success
I am here to change my life
I am here to be healthier
I am here to prove to myself that I CAN

I know that the following words are true.
If you are afraid of success, Don't be. There is nothing to be afraid of.
Success is success.
Maybe you are afraid of the mental and physical work required to feel as you are successful.

The TRUTH is that you are already a success,
you just need to dig a little deeper, and there you will feel it and find it and harness it.
There are many things in life to be successful at and once you feel success in one area of life,
there is another area you feel you can be successful in, then another, then another.

Fear= Face Everything and Recover.
Now go on and get your SUCCESS!"

-From my lovely YouTube Lapband friends...they are so wise and sum up how I am currently feeling.

Friday, January 7, 2011

This is why we are friends:

Why I am friends with my dear Christopher:

Text Message: "Whoever she's using as a paradigm for how women should act, she needs to stop. The conceitedness and lack of shame and modesty are not redeeming qualities."

He was an English major if you couldn't tell.