The rest of this week (Thursday and Friday) were relatively drama free and manageable. We shall see how next week goes!
Now onto this week's five songs!
Ok not gonna lie. I've had a little bit of a rough time with finding new music. BUT I am super pumped that yellowcard has a new acoustic album out! So 3 of this week's songs are from that album! If you hate yellowcard, then you are just shit out of luck.
1. "Sing for me (Acoustic Version)" by Yellowcard
2. "This" by Darius Rucker
3. "Tattoos on This Town" by Jason Aldean
4. "Hang You Up" by Yellowcard
5. "See Me Smiling" by Yellowcard This is my FAVORITE off the new album.
Things at the office have been a bit...tense. Although tense may be an understatement. Lately my emotions have been totally out of control. From my point of view however, mine are not the only ones out of control at this point. We are all stressed out and overwhelmed. For me, I do not do well with this much stress. When I am feeling this level of overwhelmed I freak out at things that are small. When I say freak out, I mean FREAK THE HELL OUT. I mean SCREAM at co-workers, SOB uncontrollably in my car, STOP TALKING to people for days, CAN'T SLEEP at night. That kind of freak out. It's been worse over the past couple of weeks and things all just came to a head today.
My closest co-worker Jessica and I ended up in a huge hour long screaming/sobbing telephone brawl tonight. I may not have a voice tomorrow and my face may be swollen to twice it's normal size. Another co-worker is not speaking to me because of something that I apparently did yesterday that I have no idea about. . . she also is unwilling to tell me what I did. I am going on about 4 hours of sleep following a 10 hour day yesterday and a horrific sob infested screaming day today with intermittent angry family meetings. Well the screamfest/cryfest with Jessica was just the icing on the cake. In the end though we worked it out. It was two months of tensions let out so it needed to happen.
Basically it comes down to this: If you can't handle me at my worst, you SURE AS HELL don't deserve me at my best. This applies: to friends, family and boyfriends. Take note.
That's all for today! Here's hoping that some sleep will renew us and tomorrow will be brighter!
1. "We Owned the Night" - Lady Antebellum This song is so fun, I listen to it all the freaking time and it puts me in a great mood (also I may or may not dance in my car to it)
2. "Konstantine" - Something Corporate Ok. You really aren't going to appreciate this song unless you listened to it way back when. It's NINE minutes long..but I know EVERY WORD. In high school I listened to it on repeat you guys. I saw the song on another blog and had to download and um have been listening to it over and over again.
3. "Boys in the Summer" - Jessie James Yes, I know that summer is over. But I'm trying to hold onto it OK?!! This song is super fun.
4. "Twice" - Little Dragon Do you guys watch "Revenge" on ABC? If not you are on crack and need to check yourself into rehab immediately and then catch up. This show is AMAZING. Anywho, that's where I found this song. It's completely different from what I usually post but I really like it.
5. "I Was Here" - Lady Antebellum By far my favorite in this week's list. I listen to this song on the way to work every morning to pump me up! The words are so powerful! Just think about what you are going to do to show you were here!
So this song by Carrie Underwood, I love it. It speaks to me. No really.
Here are the Lyrics:
There's some things that I regret, Some words I wish had gone unsaid, Some starts, That had some bitter endings, Been some bad times I've been through, Damage I cannot undo, Some things, I wish I could do all all over again, But it don't really matter, Life gets that much harder, It makes you that much stronger, Oh, some pages turned, Some bridges burned, But there were, Lessons learned.
[Chorus:] And every tear that had to fall from my eyes, Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night, Every change, life has thrown me, I'm thankful, for every break in my heart, I'm grateful, for every scar, Some pages turned, Some bridges burned, But there were lessons learned.
There's mistakes that I have made, Some chances I just threw away, Some roads, I never should've taken, Been some signs I didn't see, Hearts that I hurt needlessly, Some wounds, That I wish I could have one more chance to mend, But it don't make no difference, The past can't be rewritten, You get the life you're given, Oh, some pages turned, Some bridges burned, But there were, Lessons learned.
And all the things that break you, Are all the things that make you strong, You can't change the past, Cause it's gone, And you just gotta move on, Because it's all, Lessons learned.
If you are my family or friends reading this blog you know that there was a certain time of my life where I put the people I loved through absolute hell. There were a lot of times I made poor choices and the people I loved suffered. I wasted opportunities and chances. I blew it big time.
There were nights I told the people I loved the most that I hated them, that I wished they would die. There were many nights I wished I would die.
I made my Mom cry, anxious, depressed. I made my Brother's life a home a living nightmare. I made my Dad follow me around in his car so he knew where I was. I went about my life and left my family, my family that I love more than anything in the entire world, that I would easily give my life for, pick up all the pieces.
I was foolish, I was selfish, I was wrong.
I spent so many nights crying, not knowing what to do, how to even start to piece together my life in a way that would ever make it better.
Some of my relationships were never repaired but the ones that mattered were.
It took years to repair relationships and earn trust and prove myself, but it happened.
Like the song says, those things that broke me down, that made me so small, those were the things that made me strong. The lessons I learned from those few years of hurt and heartache and pain changed who I am forever and the way my heart beats. I wish I could take back all the hurt and pain that I caused but I can't. I can just keep loving.
"The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don't take it personally when they say "no" - they may not be smart enough to say "yes."
- Keith Olberman, broadcast journalist and host of MSNBC's "Countdown with Keith Olberman"
I feel like I got hoodwinked by all of my college professors. No joke.
I got sold this ideal about the profession of social work. That it was all about helping people, and making the world a better place and rainbows and butterflies. It was about advocacy and writing policies that will changed the world!!!
Well all that is bullshit.
Social work is about being down in the dirty ditches with people when they are in the worst times of their lives. It's about being the scapegoat when people are angry and sad and want someone to blame. It's trying to find a miracle for someone when there isn't one. It's frustrating and infuriating and impossible.
I love being there for families when they have lost a loved one, I love helping someone find a home, but those times are too few and far between to make up for all the times when I'm being torn down and dehumanized.
Sure there are times when it seems worth it, but overall, it's not. Where I work I am aware that I am not doing actual social work. I am basically a discharge planner/complaint taker/human dumpster/person who tries to keep our building from getting sued. Throw in the fact that people who went to school for SIX MONTHS to become LPN's make more money than me with a FOUR YEAR degree, I really want to scream.
I wasted all that money, all those years. For nada. NOTHING. I hate what I am doing. I HATE IT. The sad thing is that I feel like there is no way out. I am trapped.
Well you guys I have been SUPER PUMPED to see Contagion. I mean blood, guts, a deadly virus, plus Jude Law and Matt Damon? Hello! I'm there! Well what a letdown. This movie could have been the freaking bomb. Well they should have consulted me on the ending because I would have rocked it.
1. The Epidemiologist and The Hong Kong Guy
How it Ended: ?? We Don't Know. She runs away from some dude when she finds out Hong Kong Guy received placebo vaccine's for his village.
How it SHOULD have ended: They should have fallen in love and raised lots of Hong Kong Babies
2. Kate Winslet
How it ended: She be DEAD
How it SHOULD have ended: She lives and meets and marries Matt Damon
3. Dr. Cheever (aka Laurence Fishburne)
How it ended: He's a good guy. He gives his dose of vaccine to the janitor's kid and goes about his merry way. We assume he ends up okay but the movie doesn't really show anything further.
How it SHOULD have ended: Dr. Cheever should have been the bad guy. Hands down. This movie should have been a perfect plot for corruption at the hands of Dr. Cheever! Honestly he should have known something about the vaccine having bad side effects and that's why he gave his dose away instead of him just being a nice guy. Then Kate Winslet and Matt Damon could have uncovered the plot and Jude Law (with his jacky teeth) would have caught him and saved the world!
Now THAT would have been a movie!
Which brings us to number 4.
4. The End
How it ended: Bananas.
Yes. Freaking bananas caused the virus that killed half the world. That's it. A bat ate a banana and dropped it then a pig ate it, then the pig got killed then a chef was cooking it then he touched Gweneth Paltrow..who is a skank.
That's what you get for cheating on Matt Damon you whore!
How it SHOULD have ended: See above plot of Dr. Cheever plot with Kate and Matt and Jude to the rescue.
You know I love me some Texas and some country singing.. my love for this song is pretty self-explanatory. It's been on repeat in my car.
2. "Ashes" by Andy Brown
I don't know if ya'll watch the amazingness that is 'Rookie Blue' but Andie and Swarek finally hooked up last week to this song and it was super hot and this song is super beautiful.
3. "Run" - Taylor Swift cover of George Strait
Um hello. Do we even need to talk about this?
4. "For Good" - Wicked Cast
Okay I just got around to watching the Glee Finale and this song was on there and I usually love me some Glee covers but nothing can possibly compare to the original so I'm bringing it back! This is literally one of the most beautiful songs of all time, if it doesn't make you cry you have no soul.
5. "When She's On" - Chris Young
Let's just round it out with some more country with more Texas references! Woot!
Ok so on Saturdays, I like watching documentaries. Sometimes. When I run out of trashy things to watch on my DVR. Anyways, There is one that ya'll should watch. Like right now. Go to your DVR and schedule to record it. OK!?
This one is called "Serving Life". It is part of OWN's new documentary club (go Oprah!) and honestly it is so touching. From OWN: "Serving Life documents an extraordinary hospice program where hardened criminals care for dying fellow inmates. Narrated and executive produced by Academy Award®-winner Forest Whitaker, the film takes viewers inside Louisiana's maximum security prison at Angola, where the average sentence is more than 90 years."
There is quite a bit of controversy since the main characters are prisoners serving life for things like murder and seeing them in roles of caregivers and redemption might be hard for some people. I was touched not only by the way that the inmates cared for their fellow dying inmates, but for the ingenuity showed by the prison warden in coming up with ways to rehabilitate prisoners, dropping violence by 73%. I am like the world's biggest Hospice supporter so this doc was especially touching to me. The way that the men care for each other, even sewing blankets for the hospice patients, you will be glad you watched it.
I have lurved me some Todd Young Art for quite some time now. It is so simple and lovely and unique. As a huge animal lover I just am smitten. Plus he paints all breeds and does custom paintings so whatever animal you love he can do it! Here are some of my favorites:
I am beyond obsessed with Southern Belle Simple. Also I am convinced we might be the same person with the same love for all things Gone With the Wind. Which is why I HAD to re-post these images of Old South, New Fashion. So unique!!
2. Hurricane. (or as our trusty governor miss bev perdue says "hurricun")
3. New Music
Well I have already posted about the earthquake so that's old news.
Hurricane Irene was pretty easy! We had the power flicker a few times but thankfully never lost it. Quite a lot of wind and rain though. Nothing compared to hurricane Fran. Yes we were without power for MORE THAN A WEEK. Our family took a shower at a TRUCK STOP. So yea, Irene was a piece of cake!
But let's just talk about this for a quick second..
Do you see the resemblance???
Oh Gov. Perdue!
Oh and number 3! My other social worker/partner in crime Jessica, well her boyfriend is a pretty big deal. He plays guitar and sings and stuff and is real good so you need to listen to him! You can find him on itunes and amazon!
Here is him singing one of his original songs..
And a cover..of MJ..loves it!
And cover of John Mayer
ok that's all for this week kids! hope you have had a fabuloso weekend!
Well actually it was in Virginia. But I was minding my own business eating my chick-fil-a when along came the great earthquake of 2011. Mind you, never having ever been in an earthquake no one even knew that that's what had happened, we thought it was the big ol' construction machines from next door. FALSE. It was an actual earthquake.
Well I have made it through another work week! That means I still have a job and will receive another paycheck..yay!
This week was MUCH better than last week (see post It's the Most Horrible Week of the Year). Boss lady was out of town for 3 days meaning peace and quiet. Last Friday the neurologist put me on a prednisone taper to try and get rid of this lingering migraine that has plagued me for months. It worked so I was largely pain free this week which made it amazing! Sadly I am now responsible for handling all complaints in the building and that is taking up 90% of my time. When I came into work on Monday there were FIFTEEN on my desk..goodness! We are up to TWENTY-SEVEN for the week. Le Sigh.
But let me tell you about last Friday...
Migraine central. And of course after said week from Hell that didn't help either. I had my neurology follow up appointment and considered cancelling but went ahead and went because I couldn't get out of work early and couldn't cancel so I just went. Well they took pity on me in my horrible state and gave me two big ol' shots in my bootay. I had a shot of Toradol (pain medicine) and a shot of Steroids and then she called me in Phenergan for nausea and told me to pick it up on the way home and take it but she couldn't give it to me in the office because it would make me too sleepy.
Well after the two shots that made it feel like a horse had kicked me in my rear end I went and got my other meds and went home. Well what I forgot to mention was that about ten minutes after I got home we had to leave to drive to Chapel Hill for a big family get together. My cousin from Virginia was in town with baby Caroline so we were all going to hang out. Well part way through the drive all that medicine started to hit me. By the time we got to Chapel Hill things were going downhill fast.
I have basically no idea what I said or did. All I remember is my cousin telling me that I was being super awkward and me telling her that I am "extremely medicated right now". This medicated state coming after the worst week of work ever and put into a family situation where they ask you how work is going was not a good combination. I'm pretty sure at one point when they asked me how work was going I just smiled and nodded and didn't say anything.
Yea so I was a super medicated awkward family get together mess. YES! Add one point to the black sheep board!
In other news here is further proof that I have the worst bedhead in the world:
When you work in a nursing home, the worst week of the entire year is when you have your annual state inspection. This consists of a team of surly looking nurses (in our case FIVE OF THEM) stalking your every move and pouring over all over your documentation for an entire week. They also tend to save up any complaints that are called into them by family members until this week.
Day One: Receive phone call approx 730 am.. "they're here". I immediately throw my phone and start cursing. Mom says "Jennifer! Watch your mouth!" I then start the phone tree calling everyone else to tell them to get their butts to work.
Arrive at work 8:00am. At 8:09Am I have already been in my bosses office and had my ass chewed out.
By 1030 AM my other social worker is crying in the corner.
At 1pm I tell my other social worker this is like hell week for the marines. A nurse says "No i date a marine and he quit working here because he said it was worse"
Tuesday: Relatively quiet, eerily so. Inspectors generally stay in their room and study over charts, we all pray that we didn't miss anything.
Wednesday: 830AM I arrive to work to find my boss has already chewed my ass before i even arrived for not arriving at 730..apparently i should have telepathically known to do this.
845Am I have my ass chewed by my boss for a very vague interpretation of "something negative" happening at a meeting. When pressed for details, she says nothing specific.
850Am I have my ass chewed by my boss for trying to come up with a system where we have family meetings in the afternoons so we can get other work done in the mornings (like assessments, discharges, calls, etc) after co-worker in our office throws myself and other social worker who have covered her butt many times throws us under the bus.
1230pm I have my ass chewed by the director of nursing who tells me "let me give you a lesson on writing in charts... you are NEVER to put my name in a chart, only my position". She then tries to blame me for her losing a complaint form. AWESOME. I try and remain calm as she talks to me like a 5 year old child but in a very very mean way.
1236pm I get a call from the admissions director asking me if I had my ass chewed because she heard the director of nursing hollering about that "social worker putting her name in the chart" all the way down the hallway. She asks me "didn't you learn about documentation in school?"
NEWSFLASH!!! I AM NOT A NURSE! SOCIAL WORKERS DO NOT LEARN ABOUT MEDICAL DOCUMENTATION IN SCHOOL!
I tell her to shut the **** up and leave me alone. This is okay because we are friends.
1pm. I have a nervous breakdown
130pm I am informed that director of nursing has told my boss I have been acting like a child even though throughout her insulting tirade I remained calm and did not even react.
I spend the rest of the day trying to fight my impulse to flee from the scene never to return.
OH and also I have SEVENTEEN people I have to discharge this week. That's right SEVENTEEN.
And my boss keeps asking me why I am in my office... well it's because I am trying to make sure all of these SEVENTEEN people leave the building! She is trying to insinuate that I am lazy and not out on the floor answering callbells. I do not appreciate this. I REALLY do not appreciate this.
I can only pray that the inspectors finish up tomorrow and leave early Friday. I can only handle one more full day of this otherwise I may end up in a mental hospital.